hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
so explain again why im purple
no
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
