It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
