Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
