if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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