you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
