Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
