Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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