I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
