"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
