ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
