dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
