Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
