I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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