and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
