You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
