also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
