...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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