I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
