hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I need to align my fucking chakras
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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