i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
