i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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