I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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