State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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