ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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