my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
