and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
