She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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