why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
