i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
