I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
