uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
