the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
two words...techno handjob
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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