i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
