The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
