my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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