sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
