he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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