I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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