Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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