Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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