yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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