dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
