Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
