so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
