I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
