In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
