he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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