Dude my mom stole all your condoms
kristin has been a bad kristin
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
