when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
