I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
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