Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
