Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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