her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Sorry about my life...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
