How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
