I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
