If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Randomize
