Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
