Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
