Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
