dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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