Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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