Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Randomize
