He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
