Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
